Sweat The Small Stuff

Day-to-day, we all know it’s the small pleasures that make up a happy life – and apparently it’s the small joys that make all the difference in relationship too. I’ve seen a few interesting pieces crop up recently giving men’s perspective on relationship and, in each, case it was always the small stuff that lit them up when thinking about their partners. It reminded me that life is about the details, the small kindnesses, not just about the big picture.

In one particularly adorable article about ‘What Men Aren’t Telling Women’ for O magazine, Chris Abani writes “We are very insecure about how we look and and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We’ve been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.”

It’s not exactly a cause for celebration to know that the opposite sex is as insecure as we are, but it is certainly charming to see the same level of vulnerability at play on both sides. He adds, “We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we’re confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us. Here’s the thing: you rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.” I bet he had them queueing up at the door after that one.

Esquire’s Editor in Chief, David Granger, waxed lyrical on a similar theme, when asked what men like most about women, saying “Oh Jesus. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can’t get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after exercising. We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something – movies, sport, politics – that really doesn’t matter. We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you’re half-dressed or half-undressed. We love your certainty, even when we’re sure you’re wrong”.

At no point in that list did I spot any reference to weight, fake boobs or any of the million other contrivances we women think will make us more attractive to men - doesn’t that just make you want to hang up your body fascism and general neurosis about how you look?

I love this comment from a woman with a much younger husband, when asked about the thorny issue of aging. She responded “When you’re with a younger person, you have to think ‘What’s going to happen in five years? Ten? Is he going to leave me?’ Your answer could be ‘I’m going to get a facelift’. My answer is ‘I’m going to be such a beautiful person inside that it’s going to shine through to the outside’.” Right on, sister.

This week, ladies, we’re taking a holiday from neurosis and deciding to be kind and appreciative to ourselves and the ones we love. We’re going to do small, kind things for us and for them. Let’s sweat the small stuff and get happy.

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