Venus Retrograde

Due to a rather busy schedule and a slightly over-enthusiastic appreciation of Stoli and cranberry all-too-recently, this week’s I Am Fabulous will be necessarily brief. To wit, I am shamelessly plagiarising the work of Robert Ohotto, the rather fabulous (and rather hot) intuitive astrologer. Well, I say plagiarising, but quite frankly I’m just going to pass on some sage insights from his newsletter, duly credited. Can’t be too naughty, even when it’s late and I’m on deadline …

For those not up with the astro-lingo, Venus retrograde is the period when the planet that symbolises self-worth, money, relationships and values appears to move backwards in the sky. It’s not actually happening that way – it just looks like it from our viewpoint on earth. When that happens, symbolically we experience what the planet represents through a kind of filter where things seem to be less clear in the outer world and we become more reflective about those issues. It’s a collective experience where we all get a chance to have a re-think and re-focus about who we are and what we value.

Ohotto sets out what’s required of us during this period, saying that this time “demands that you come to know what is personally right and wrong for you as you continue to mature into your authenticity and how that is measured against the values that society and culture feeds you daily. Thus, this retrograde period brings with it a time during which we all must reassess where in our lives our values are in need of refreshing. I think it's important to recognize the ways we are continually told by our media and culture that we should continue to find value in the same thing for the whole of our lives. For example, we are told to keep valuing our youth and fight aging; keep valuing your wedding vows, though they were taken by an older version of yourself that has grown beyond them; keep valuing the stability of your job though it has become claustrophobic; or keep valuing your purpose as equating your job though you just lost yours.”

He adds, “Each Venus retrograde asks us to take forty days and deeply look at our values and their relevance to our soul's current needs in a certain area of our life. And with Venus currently retrograding back in Aries, the discord we may be feeling signifies the amount of distance that has formed between our ego and the fundamental core passions, values, and higher creative inspirations of our soul. It's time to risk for new beginnings and take courage.”

The good news is that this cycle started in early March and will be over by the end of this week, so if you feel like your self-worth has taken a beating during this period you can relax because the finishing-line is in your sights. What would be a total waste, however, is if you experienced all the pain without finding the gift hidden in the dark. So here are a few questions that Ohotto suggests you take the time to reflect upon to gain insight on the issues this period was meant to highlight.

Do your relationships allow you to keep your own individuality to participate in interdependent dynamics of loving yourself and others?

What affirms your life and gives you a sense of personal value, fulfillment, beauty, and pleasure? What do you find attractive? What turns you on? Are these things being challenged for review?

What kind of experiences do you tend to attract in love relationships? How do you like to be affirmed in relationships? What is your ideal mate like? What archetype would that be defined as and do you play the opposite role in your relationship myths (Like the Knight and the Damsel?)

What do you value most in friendships? Are you finding yourself competitive and jealous of others that seem to possess what you feel you lack or would like to have? How do you manifest that urge? Have you been scapegoating others with your issues or have others been doing the same to you?

How do you respond to being ignored? Are you currently discovering that you need a lot of external attention to validate your own worth?

Are the choices you make in life in alignment with your values? Or do they betray what you say you value and reveal something else?

What do you consider to be your worth? What will you sell yourself for? What can buy you? What defines your honor code?

Before Venus starts heading direct again on Friday (which, interestingly enough, is traditionally known as her very own day of the week), make sure you take a few moments to reflect on your experiences with others over the past six weeks and how you’ve dealt with that in terms of your own self-worth. Those experiences – for good or for ill – should also have shown up what’s important to you and how much your life is in alignment with those values. Where it’s out of kilter, get on it – make those changes you know you need to do. Mythologically speaking, Venus is one hot babe, with a pretty clear understanding of her own beauty and worth. A rather fabulous approach worthy of emulation, I’d have thought.

For a little extra inspiration, here’s a translation of the Hafiz poem, Venus Just Asked Me, by Daniel Ladinsky …

Perhaps
For just one minute out of the day
It may be of value to torture yourself
With thoughts like,
"I should be doing
A hell of a lot more with my life than I am
Cause I'm so damn talented."
But remember,
For just one minute out of the day.
With all the rest of your time,
It would be best
To try
Looking upon your self more as God does.
For He knows
Your true royal nature.
God is never confused
And can see Only Himself in you.
My dear,
Venus just leaned down and asked me
To tell you a secret, to confess
She's just a mirror who has been stealing
Your light and music for centuries.
She knows as does Hafiz,
You are the sole heir to
The King.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Change Begins Within

This weekend Radio City Music Hall hosted a most unusual benefit concert, staged by the David Lynch Foundation, with headliners Sir Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Donovan, Moby, Sheryl Crow and Ben Harper. The funds raised will support the DLF’s aim of teaching one million underprivileged children how to meditate. As the director David Lynch himself says “The more you meditate, the better life gets … it’s really the most fantastic experience to meditate, then out of meditation in whatever you’re doing – that just gets better, more ideas flow. Negativity inhibits creativity – it squeezes the hose, the big conduit of ideas. So when negativity lifts, we expand consciousness, negativity starts going away. All these things that are restricting us become less – you work in freedom with all these positive qualities growing.” He wants to make the Transcendental Meditation – made famous when the Beatles met Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in the 60s - that has made such an impact on his life “available to any student anywhere in the world who wants it”, so they can begin the process of change within themselves. George Harrison – also a lifelong meditator –who staged the first major musician’s benefit, Concert for Bangladesh, in the 70s would be mightily proud of this one.

Another celeb doing their bit for a greater sense of self-awareness was JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, who gave the Harvard Commencement address last summer. With easy humour and a total lack of pretension, she reminded the privileged Harvard graduates of the fringe benefits of failure. Her rags-to-riches story of impoverished single mother on welfare becoming a multi-millionaire is well-known. Less well-known is the value she places on the difficult times and how much she credits them with shaping who she later became.

She recounted “I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairytale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality. So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to redirect all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter I whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Telling the students that some failure in life is inevitable – unless they live so cautiously as to not make it worth living at all – Rowling added “Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies. The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.”

At a time when we have all been challenged by failure and loss, it’s a timely reminder that something stronger and more beautiful grows within when outer circumstances are challenging. As the French philosopher, Albert Camus, said “In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer”. You can only know the terrible beauty of those words when you have experienced that winter personally.

In our collective winter, it helps to see a purpose behind what we’re experiencing. Leaders in new thought, Marianne Williamson and Deepak Chopra, are about to run a workshop on weathering tough times, entitled ‘The Soul of Success’. As they describe it, “The economic recession offers us a unique opportunity to understand the difference between money and wealth. Money is a symbol that expresses how we value ourselves and others and also represents society’s values at a particular time and place in history. Wealth, on the other hand, is a state of consciousness that represents generosity of spirit that translates into material abundance.”

So, with a stellar line-up of musicians telling us change comes from within, JK Rowling reminding us that the gift of failure is clarity and the Williamson-Chopra event stressing wealth as a generosity of spirit, what else can we do this week but go within and ask ourselves what we really value? How wealthy are we in what we already have? If failure or loss is stripping away the inessential, what needs to loom large in your life? How can you find the gold in the dark, the gifts in the loss, the peace that arises from having survived the winter? We’re not going through this to come out the other end exactly the same. We’re collectively going through a value-shift, so what is it that you may have thought important that you now need to release? What needs to take its place? Redefine your own experience of wealth this week. Honour what is truly fabulous.

Just as I finished writing this, I opened today’s Note From the Universe, from www.tut.com, which is spookily on-message …

These are the times when hopes are dashed and chaos abounds, that golden opportunities, prized ideas, and new friends emerge into the view of all, but are only seen by the few who look.

Let's go crazy,
The Universe

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Play It Forward

You got the science bit on Tikkun Olam, ‘repairing the world’, last week and now it’s time for the fun part – playing it forward. Random acts of kindness have been around for a while now, immortalised in celluloid in the film Pay It Forward, but now entrepreneurs are finding new ways to formalise the process and make it easier to join with others for the full internet-savvy virtual experience.

In Canada, there’s a new site in beta called http://www.akoha.com/, where you can buy a set of cards with missions on them, like ‘buy someone a cup of coffee’ or ‘donate an hour of your time’ or ‘give someone a book’ and then start handing out those missions to your friends. As the mission is completed, you and your friends get karma points and the cards stay in play, as the recipients are encouraged to play it forward to others. As they do, they can blog about how they’ve done it, so you can see the entire history of a single card and who it’s affected on the Akoha site. It’s a genius idea that’s still in its early stages of development, but it concretises a move towards greater compassion for others, particularly at a time when we all realise we’re in the same boat.

On this side of the pond, Danny Wallace started http://www.join-me.co.uk/ to create a karma army some five years ago, with the intention of creating a network of people to give random acts of kindness. Now a worldwide phenomenon with thousands of members, it promotes where members are encouraged to do good deeds on Fridays – as well as any other day of the week.

ARK clothing is another socialpreneur enterprise, set up by an 18-year old Irish guy who got the idea to create clothing with acts of random kindness (hence ARK) written in to them. Beyond the small acts which wearers are asked to perform each time they use the clothing, ARK also encourages larger acts of kindness in communities and will consider supporting them financially too through a profit-related fund.

This week, become part of this new groundswell of compassion and do something spontaneous and kind. Here are the fabulous rules:

· Do something nice for yourself. It doesn’t happen that often.
· Surprise someone you love with something that doesn’t cost money – time, kisses and recycling gifts are all permitted.
· Shock someone you don’t know at all with a small act of thoughtfulness – pass on a ticket you can’t use, share some food at lunchtime, buy a coffee for someone sitting on their own, chat with someone who looks like they could use a little support.

Be creative. Be kind. Play it forward.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

The Light Divine

Here’s one I meant to write earlier. This notion has been floating around in my mind since I watched the deeply impenetrable and totally frustrating film, Bee Season, a couple of weeks ago. In it one of the main characters is a lecturer in Kabbalah – played by the world’s most famous Buddhist, Richard Gere – who is obsessed with the work of the 13th century Spanish Kabbalist, Abraham Abulafia, whose work focused on striving to attain mystical experience through intense focus on Hebrew letters. Through special breathing and repetition of these letters, the mystic then opens the gate to prophecy and a form of illumination in the body and the sense of another spirit presence, which he describes as “and you shall feel another spirit awakening within yourself and strengthening you and passing over your entire body and giving you pleasure”. Sadly, I know this through my own research, not from the film, which raises more questions than it answers.

A key theme in the film is Tikkun Olam, meaning ‘repairing the world’, attributed to 16th century Kabbalist, Isaac Luria. Luria taught a creation myth where God formed vessels to hold the Divine Light, but when it poured through them, they shattered. Our world consists of myriad shards of these light-bearing vessels, and our role is to reunite the scattered light, by raising the sparks back to Divinity and restoring the broken world. Tikkun Olam embraces both inner and outer aspects – embodying the divine light by liberating the spark within and sharing that light in service to others. Our work of transformation is to build a soul strong enough to carry the Divine Light and aid in the repairing of the world.

Kabbalists have, for millennia, sought to invoke this Divine Light, meditating on and opening to the light of the Shekhinah, the feminine spirit and ‘dwelling place’ or ‘spirit of glory’. By raising the quality of our own personal energy, we begin to affect those around us even before we take action. Tikkun Olam places the emphasis firmly on the spiritual aspect of our lives, as the strong centre from which we first take in the Divine Light in order to then share it with others. With every small act of kindness, with each small moment of presence and practice, with every heartfelt prayer, we are offering ourselves in service to the reparation of the world.

However we may come utilise the Divine Light, it is clear that it is best evoked in a peaceful and meditative state, rather like the courting of the muse. As with all mystical energies, the Shekhinah must welcomed fittingly. Metaphorically, she is embraced and received as a bride. In the Zohar, we are instructed that “One must prepare a comfortable seat with several cushions and embroidered covers, from all that is found in the house, like one who prepares a canopy for a bride. For the Shabbat is a queen and bride … one must receive the Lady with many lighted candles, many enjoyments, beautiful clothes and a house embellished with fine appointments”. This welcoming of the divine presence as Shekhinah, the Shabbat Bride, continues to this day.

In Islamic culture, Sakina is found in the Qur’an as the spirit of tranquillity and the peace of reassurance – God’s presence the world. One verse reads “He it is who sent down his Sakina into the hearts of the believers that they might add faith unto their faith”. Christianity speaks of a similar indwelling spirit of the Lord, generally known as the Holy Spirit. As in Judaism, this spirit is linked with prophecy. In 2 Peter 121, we find “For no prophecy ever came by the will of man: but men spake from God, being moved by the Holy Spirit”.

So our Judeo-Christian culture is redolent with the imagery of an indwelling spirit of God, that – when it descends upon us – brings illumination. It may seem a little confusing that this spirit both dwells within us and descends upon us. If it helps, I find it easier to imagine that the descending spirit lights up the divine spark which is already within us. When we invoke Grace, we allow what is divine to be illuminated within us and another shard is joined together in the healing of the world.

This week, try getting spiritualised and adding some Grace to your own inner light. Be peaceful and imagine the descent of Divine Light illuminating the spiritual beauty of who you truly are, as you share that light with others. Then take it to the street and share your grace in small kindnesses. Live your practice of Tikkun Olam in small ways every day and watch how your light brings out the light in others.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Wipeout

Sorry folks, some random bug has wiped me out this week, so it’s about all I can do to type a few words. By way of apology, here are some of my favourite recent Notes From The Universe – you can subscribe to daily updates of inspiring messages at www.tut.com.

- Just curious, when was the last time you looked into a mirror and addressed yourself as "Gorgeous," "Magnificent," or "Sublime"? It matters.

- Never underestimate how many friends you have, how close you are, and how much fun you're going to have. Because, as you've seen throughout your entire amazing life, one usually gets exactly what they've been estimating.

- Sometimes when you're ready for a change, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts. Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

- If you look closely enough, intent upon understanding those things that cause you great pain and consternation, ultimately, I promise you, you'll find great joy and illumination.

- Simply imagine happiness, your own happiness. Feel the smile stretching across your face, notice the lightness in your step, hear the sparkle in your voice, and all things, material and spiritual, will dance to the beat of your drums.

- Haven't I always shown up with the right idea, at the right time, to spin your head and rock your world, when you least expected it? Give yourself this rest you've earned. You're my butterfly.

- Until you dream there isn't a mold. Until you speak, there isn't a promise. And until you move, there isn't a path. Yet do these simple things and you totally own me.

- No one ever regrets raising the bar, ever, ever, ever. Scare yourself.

Normal service will be resumed next week. Be fabulous.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Sweat The Small Stuff

Day-to-day, we all know it’s the small pleasures that make up a happy life – and apparently it’s the small joys that make all the difference in relationship too. I’ve seen a few interesting pieces crop up recently giving men’s perspective on relationship and, in each, case it was always the small stuff that lit them up when thinking about their partners. It reminded me that life is about the details, the small kindnesses, not just about the big picture.

In one particularly adorable article about ‘What Men Aren’t Telling Women’ for O magazine, Chris Abani writes “We are very insecure about how we look and and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We’ve been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.”

It’s not exactly a cause for celebration to know that the opposite sex is as insecure as we are, but it is certainly charming to see the same level of vulnerability at play on both sides. He adds, “We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we’re confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us. Here’s the thing: you rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.” I bet he had them queueing up at the door after that one.

Esquire’s Editor in Chief, David Granger, waxed lyrical on a similar theme, when asked what men like most about women, saying “Oh Jesus. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can’t get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after exercising. We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something – movies, sport, politics – that really doesn’t matter. We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you’re half-dressed or half-undressed. We love your certainty, even when we’re sure you’re wrong”.

At no point in that list did I spot any reference to weight, fake boobs or any of the million other contrivances we women think will make us more attractive to men - doesn’t that just make you want to hang up your body fascism and general neurosis about how you look?

I love this comment from a woman with a much younger husband, when asked about the thorny issue of aging. She responded “When you’re with a younger person, you have to think ‘What’s going to happen in five years? Ten? Is he going to leave me?’ Your answer could be ‘I’m going to get a facelift’. My answer is ‘I’m going to be such a beautiful person inside that it’s going to shine through to the outside’.” Right on, sister.

This week, ladies, we’re taking a holiday from neurosis and deciding to be kind and appreciative to ourselves and the ones we love. We’re going to do small, kind things for us and for them. Let’s sweat the small stuff and get happy.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Spiritual Liberation

There aren’t too many writers I absolutely adore. There are great books I’ve really enjoyed, but to be honest I’ve not always been blown away by the writing style. Then there are those people with a turn of phrase that’s so economical and sparse yet they manage to make every word highly evocative – Alice Sebold is top of my list for that skill – and there are writers who manage to convey great depth and soulfulness yet still remain accessible. That’s why I love Michael Beckwith’s work. I’d read a few of his essays long before The Secret made him a household name. Even in a collection of works by much more well-known spiritual writers, his words stood out. There’s something in the way he writes that makes me feel he’s the real deal.

Having taken a sneaky peak at his latest book, Spiritual Liberation, I’m starting to understand why he gets his message across so well. The man has been there and done it, suffered and screwed up, had a life-changing mystical experience and gone on to make a real difference in the world from his own authentic experience. That’s what makes his spirituality so attractive – it’s not pious. He says himself, “My central message is not about religiosity or churchianity. It is about aspiring toward spiritual liberation, which I define as becoming free from the narrow confines of fear, doubt, worry and lack, and living instead from a conscious awareness of one’s Authentic Self, one’s true nature of wholeness”.

He adds, “Spiritual liberation results from discovering and expressing the intrinsic qualities of enlightened consciousness that have been ours since the moment we came into existence. Simply put, all that is required to live up to our highest potential is already inside us, awaiting our conscious activation. Living up to our potential is about becoming more ourselves, more of who and what we are as awakening beings … Growing into spiritual adulthood has to do with understanding that we are here to attune ourselves to the evolutionary impulse that governs the universe, which is infinite, conscious, and seeks to articulate itself by means of us. We live in a universe where nothing remains static. All that exists has an observable impulsion to become more fully itself. An acorn seed, when planted in good soil and provided the proper nutrients, ultimately evolves into its fullest potential as an oak tree. Likewise, in order to fully evolve, the Spirit-seed at the core of our being must be cultivated. We too must till the soil of our consciousness with spiritual tools and inner nutrients that enable us to fully deliver our gifts, talents and skills.”

Bringing forth the Authentic Self is rarely a straight and narrow path – providing plenty of twists along the way – as Beckwith amply demonstrates in his own life story. In his younger days, he dealt drugs to pay for his own recreational use, until a mystical experience plunged him into an exploration of Eastern religions and the metaphysical, at which point the desire to carry on with that lifestyle left him. However, he decided to sell off a final delivery and was busted. Intuitively – despite all evidence to the contrary – he knew he wouldn’t end up going to jail, which proved to be the case when the charges were dismissed on a technicality. From that point on, he was determined to serve the spiritual force he calls ‘Love-Beauty’ in the world.

I have great admiration for those who are willing to lay their lives bare in order to help others. Too many people in the spiritual arena portray themselves as saints and are all too often found to have feet of clay. The reality is that if you’re human it’s a bit of a no-brainer to realise that you’re not perfect and – here comes another realisation that doesn’t require you to be a rocket scientist – perfection is pretty much unattainable anyway. Striving to be perfect just adds more layers to the mask of persona and takes you further away from authenticity. Allowing yourself to reveal the beauty that lies within you already is a far more healthy – and far less pressured – approach.

This week, give up trying hard and start letting yourself be who you really are. Spurn impossible standards and get a sense of humour about your own cock-ups. Embrace being human and love your divine spark. Give yourself an opportunity to discover what makes you feel more ‘you’. Give yourself the good soil and proper nutrients that it takes to unveil your true potential. Take a load off - you don’t need to be anything other than who you really are. That’s got to be a relief!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.