Wipeout

Sorry folks, some random bug has wiped me out this week, so it’s about all I can do to type a few words. By way of apology, here are some of my favourite recent Notes From The Universe – you can subscribe to daily updates of inspiring messages at www.tut.com.

- Just curious, when was the last time you looked into a mirror and addressed yourself as "Gorgeous," "Magnificent," or "Sublime"? It matters.

- Never underestimate how many friends you have, how close you are, and how much fun you're going to have. Because, as you've seen throughout your entire amazing life, one usually gets exactly what they've been estimating.

- Sometimes when you're ready for a change, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts. Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

- If you look closely enough, intent upon understanding those things that cause you great pain and consternation, ultimately, I promise you, you'll find great joy and illumination.

- Simply imagine happiness, your own happiness. Feel the smile stretching across your face, notice the lightness in your step, hear the sparkle in your voice, and all things, material and spiritual, will dance to the beat of your drums.

- Haven't I always shown up with the right idea, at the right time, to spin your head and rock your world, when you least expected it? Give yourself this rest you've earned. You're my butterfly.

- Until you dream there isn't a mold. Until you speak, there isn't a promise. And until you move, there isn't a path. Yet do these simple things and you totally own me.

- No one ever regrets raising the bar, ever, ever, ever. Scare yourself.

Normal service will be resumed next week. Be fabulous.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Sweat The Small Stuff

Day-to-day, we all know it’s the small pleasures that make up a happy life – and apparently it’s the small joys that make all the difference in relationship too. I’ve seen a few interesting pieces crop up recently giving men’s perspective on relationship and, in each, case it was always the small stuff that lit them up when thinking about their partners. It reminded me that life is about the details, the small kindnesses, not just about the big picture.

In one particularly adorable article about ‘What Men Aren’t Telling Women’ for O magazine, Chris Abani writes “We are very insecure about how we look and and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We’ve been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.”

It’s not exactly a cause for celebration to know that the opposite sex is as insecure as we are, but it is certainly charming to see the same level of vulnerability at play on both sides. He adds, “We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we’re confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us. Here’s the thing: you rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.” I bet he had them queueing up at the door after that one.

Esquire’s Editor in Chief, David Granger, waxed lyrical on a similar theme, when asked what men like most about women, saying “Oh Jesus. We love it when you sit down on the side of the bed and kiss us for no reason. We can’t get over that. We love it when you ask us for advice on something that really matters to you. We love the way you smell. We love the way you smell right after exercising. We love the way you look just before you wake up in the morning. We love it when you argue with us about something – movies, sport, politics – that really doesn’t matter. We love the way you will fill a silence at a dinner party, and we love the way you give us guidance when it comes to our mothers. We love the way you look when you’re half-dressed or half-undressed. We love your certainty, even when we’re sure you’re wrong”.

At no point in that list did I spot any reference to weight, fake boobs or any of the million other contrivances we women think will make us more attractive to men - doesn’t that just make you want to hang up your body fascism and general neurosis about how you look?

I love this comment from a woman with a much younger husband, when asked about the thorny issue of aging. She responded “When you’re with a younger person, you have to think ‘What’s going to happen in five years? Ten? Is he going to leave me?’ Your answer could be ‘I’m going to get a facelift’. My answer is ‘I’m going to be such a beautiful person inside that it’s going to shine through to the outside’.” Right on, sister.

This week, ladies, we’re taking a holiday from neurosis and deciding to be kind and appreciative to ourselves and the ones we love. We’re going to do small, kind things for us and for them. Let’s sweat the small stuff and get happy.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Spiritual Liberation

There aren’t too many writers I absolutely adore. There are great books I’ve really enjoyed, but to be honest I’ve not always been blown away by the writing style. Then there are those people with a turn of phrase that’s so economical and sparse yet they manage to make every word highly evocative – Alice Sebold is top of my list for that skill – and there are writers who manage to convey great depth and soulfulness yet still remain accessible. That’s why I love Michael Beckwith’s work. I’d read a few of his essays long before The Secret made him a household name. Even in a collection of works by much more well-known spiritual writers, his words stood out. There’s something in the way he writes that makes me feel he’s the real deal.

Having taken a sneaky peak at his latest book, Spiritual Liberation, I’m starting to understand why he gets his message across so well. The man has been there and done it, suffered and screwed up, had a life-changing mystical experience and gone on to make a real difference in the world from his own authentic experience. That’s what makes his spirituality so attractive – it’s not pious. He says himself, “My central message is not about religiosity or churchianity. It is about aspiring toward spiritual liberation, which I define as becoming free from the narrow confines of fear, doubt, worry and lack, and living instead from a conscious awareness of one’s Authentic Self, one’s true nature of wholeness”.

He adds, “Spiritual liberation results from discovering and expressing the intrinsic qualities of enlightened consciousness that have been ours since the moment we came into existence. Simply put, all that is required to live up to our highest potential is already inside us, awaiting our conscious activation. Living up to our potential is about becoming more ourselves, more of who and what we are as awakening beings … Growing into spiritual adulthood has to do with understanding that we are here to attune ourselves to the evolutionary impulse that governs the universe, which is infinite, conscious, and seeks to articulate itself by means of us. We live in a universe where nothing remains static. All that exists has an observable impulsion to become more fully itself. An acorn seed, when planted in good soil and provided the proper nutrients, ultimately evolves into its fullest potential as an oak tree. Likewise, in order to fully evolve, the Spirit-seed at the core of our being must be cultivated. We too must till the soil of our consciousness with spiritual tools and inner nutrients that enable us to fully deliver our gifts, talents and skills.”

Bringing forth the Authentic Self is rarely a straight and narrow path – providing plenty of twists along the way – as Beckwith amply demonstrates in his own life story. In his younger days, he dealt drugs to pay for his own recreational use, until a mystical experience plunged him into an exploration of Eastern religions and the metaphysical, at which point the desire to carry on with that lifestyle left him. However, he decided to sell off a final delivery and was busted. Intuitively – despite all evidence to the contrary – he knew he wouldn’t end up going to jail, which proved to be the case when the charges were dismissed on a technicality. From that point on, he was determined to serve the spiritual force he calls ‘Love-Beauty’ in the world.

I have great admiration for those who are willing to lay their lives bare in order to help others. Too many people in the spiritual arena portray themselves as saints and are all too often found to have feet of clay. The reality is that if you’re human it’s a bit of a no-brainer to realise that you’re not perfect and – here comes another realisation that doesn’t require you to be a rocket scientist – perfection is pretty much unattainable anyway. Striving to be perfect just adds more layers to the mask of persona and takes you further away from authenticity. Allowing yourself to reveal the beauty that lies within you already is a far more healthy – and far less pressured – approach.

This week, give up trying hard and start letting yourself be who you really are. Spurn impossible standards and get a sense of humour about your own cock-ups. Embrace being human and love your divine spark. Give yourself an opportunity to discover what makes you feel more ‘you’. Give yourself the good soil and proper nutrients that it takes to unveil your true potential. Take a load off - you don’t need to be anything other than who you really are. That’s got to be a relief!

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Universal Responsibility

Due to some rather pressing deadlines, this week’s I Am Fabulous is brought to you by the Dalai Lama, from whose book, Dzogchen: The Heart Essence of the Great Perfection, these words are taken:

“As human beings, we are all the same. So there is no need to build some kind of artificial barrier between us. At least my own experience is that if you have this kind of attitude, there is no barrier. Whatever I feel, I can express; I can call you 'my old friend'. There is nothing to hide, and no need to say things in a way that is not straightforward. So this gives me a kind of space in my mind, with the result that I do not have to be suspicious of others all the time. And this really gives me inner satisfaction, and inner peace.

“So I call this feeling a 'genuine realisation of the oneness of the whole of humanity'. We are all members of one human family. I think that this understanding is very important, especially now that the world is becoming smaller and smaller. In ancient times, even in a small village, people were able to exist more or less independently. There was not so much need for others' co-operation. These days, the economic structure has completely changed, so that modern economies, relying on industry, are totally different. We are heavily dependent on one another, and also as a result of mass communication, the barriers of the past are greatly reduced.

“Today, because of the complexity of interdependence, every crisis on this planet is essentially related with every other, like a chain reaction. Consequently it is worthwhile taking every crisis as a global one. Here barriers such as 'this nation' or 'that nation', 'this continent', or 'that continent' are simply obstacles. Therefore today, for the future of the human race, it is more important than ever before that we develop a genuine sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. I usually call this a sense of 'universal responsibility'.”

There’s so much to explore in these three short paragraphs – and wish I had the time to do it – that I suggest you really savour them. They might make you wonder if our current crisis is actually leading us toward that greater understanding of how we are all one human family. With that in mind, how could you share your own burden with others or help them share theirs? With whom could you be more honest or more straightforward? How could you extend your trust? Have a week of greater vision, looking beyond the purely personal into how your actions contribute to the greater whole.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Creative Genius

Oh, I do love finding a new resource to plunder. This week it’s www.ted.com, which has loads of inspiring talks from people in the fields of technology, entertainment and design – ie creative – people, which grew out of an annual conference of the same name. As they say themselves, TED is “a clearing-house that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world’s most inspired thinkers and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and others”. Get thee to TED post-haste for mucho inspiracion.

Of course the talk that caught my immediate attention was one by Elizabeth Gilbert, writer of Eat, Pray, Love. If you’ve not read it, you’ve missed out on one of the most charming memoirs of the modern age, recounting her haphazard journey - post relationship breakdown - through Italy (to eat), India (to pray) and Indonesia (where she found love). Her book has been an enormous international success, leading her to discover just how fear-based most people’s reaction is to what might come next for her. The question she is now most asked is “Aren’t you afraid you’re never going to top that?”. As she remarks with searing honesty, “It’s exceedingly likely that my greatest success is behind me - that’s the kind of thought that could lead a person to start drinking gin at nine in the morning”.

As a coping mechanism, Elizabeth decided it was necessary to create some psychological separation between herself and her work, finding inspiration in the creative process as it was viewed in ancient Greece and Rome. As she points out, in those eras creativity “was this divine attendant spirit that came to the artist from a distant and unknowable source”. The Greeks called them daimon and the Romans called them genius. They believed those spirits lived in the walls of the artists studios and gave them the inspiration for their work. The Renaissance shifted the focus of inspiration, making it a human endeavour, thereby endowing artists with genius rather than acknowledging a divine source. With the creative power now attributed to individuals, we have the birthplace of performance anxiety and the tortured artistic temperament. When the weight of inspiration passed from the divine to the human, we created a load far greater than any of us could bear.

Now, thankfully, we are beginning to make a reconnection with the ancient idea of a creative muse. It certainly helps to open the creative floodgates when you’re not torturing yourself with self-doubt and you realise you’re only responsible for part of the equation. You get to show up for the work and the divine gets to do its part with the inspiration. I think that’s a fair exchange.

Elizabeth tells a great story about having interviewed the musician, Tom Waits, who’d spent most of his career wrestling with the creative demons within him, struggling to bring forth what he believed to be springing from inside himself. As he mellowed, he started to take a different viewpoint. One day, as he was driving along the freeway in LA, he heard a fragment of a melody in his head, but had no way to write it down. At that point, feeling the old anxiety, wondering if he was going to lose it and feeling the usual self-doubt, he took a different tack, looking up to the sky and saying “Excuse me, can you not see that I’m driving?”. He thought to himself something like ‘I have no way of writing this down, so if you want it to take shape in the world, either save it for later or give it to another songwriter’. At that point, his focus shifted from tortured artist to caretaker of a divine inspiration.

Elizabeth Gilbert says she felt something similar in writing her follow-up book to Eat, Pray, Love. One day, having a hard time writing – and hating what she’d written – she said to the divine “Listen, you and I both know if this book is not brilliant, it’s not entirely my fault – if you want it to be better, you’ve got to show up. For the record, I showed up for my part of the job”.

Those stories remind me a lot of the best book I’ve ever read on the creative process – The War Of Art, by Steven Pressfield. He covers very similar territory, stressing the importance of showing up at the keyboard, the canvas or whatever is your creative medium. We can’t wait for the muse to strike before we begin our part of the deal – we need to show up and be doing our part of the job for the creative spirits to kick in and do theirs.

So, this week, folks, decide what your art is and do the work. If you’re waiting for divine inspiration before you begin a painting, a novel, a dance, whatever – start showing up and doing it, trusting that the divine will play along with you. Remember that if you want to be creative, you don’t have to be a tortured soul – all art is co-creation and the beauty and success of it is not all entirely in your hands. Take some pressure off and play with the pure fun of exploring your relationship with your fabulous creative genius.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Feeling Lucky?

As a regular reader, you'll know the writing process – as I experience it – tends to be rather serendipitous. If I hang around at the keyboard long enough, something tends to turn up. This evening, feeling rather frazzled from the first day on a new project, inspiration appeared to be in short supply. Still, using my tried and true technique, I hung around for a bit and exactly what I needed dropped in my lap.

First to arrive was this quote, from Roald Dahl, which I was mentally ear-marking for another day – “Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

Hmm … I knew this post was going to end up being something around intuition and the need to stay awake for new opportunities, but here was the first concrete evidence that would be the way it would go, apart from my own current experience. What I’m working on right now came through a conversation, rather than actively seeking it through the normal channels. It came from staying open to possibility. That I chose to pursue it further came from an inner knowing that this was somehow right for me, even if it didn’t tick all the boxes on the surface.

Before this happened, I found myself dwelling on a Sufi meditation from my training as a spiritual counsellor – one where you acknowledge the past, feel yourself grounded in the present and feel the pull of the future. I had asked for the pull of the future to make itself known and Voila!, it did. Some ancient magic in that practice, I think.

So, back to tonight. I was mulling over what to write, when I came across some research on making your own luck. Only a few days ago I’d read a charming story of a couple who’d dated in their teens, both relocated to the States and found each other again when the guy suddenly emailed out of the blue after 13 years. They re-connected instantly and are now engaged to be married. What’s fascinating about the story is that the woman had left a relationship she described as having “broken down to a level of unworkable disrespect” and decided to live a happy single life rather than be lonely in a relationship. Her fiancé-to-be had gone through a ‘life’s too short’ moment when his father had a cancer scare and decided to grasp the nettle on a connection he’d long felt was ‘the one’, despite years of no contact. Both had made choices affirming what they wanted from life and now they were reaping the benefits.

Then the luck research recounted a similarly charming tale of a couple who’d met in the dry cleaners because the woman was chatty and flirty, because she’d just secured a hard-won tenure and now decided it was time to live life rather than work. So, in case you aren’t already sensing a theme, it’s time to get with the programme by following hunches and anticipating that good things will be coming your way. Here’s the science bit, so concentrate …

Richard Wiseman PhD – who holds Britain’s only professorship in the public understanding of psychology – says “Luck is not a magical ability or a gift from the gods … Instead, it is a way of thinking and behaving”. He devised an experiment where two individuals – one who perceived himself as lucky and another with a self-perception of lucklessness – were invited to the same place on the same premise, with a number of staged ‘chance encounters’ to see if their experiences would tally. One of the possibilities was finding a £5 note left on the pavement and another was meeting a ‘millionaire’ contact. Unsurprisingly, the ‘lucky’ guy hit the jackpot by spotting the money and randomly talking to the faux millionaire, while the other walked straight past the money and talked to no-one. As Wiseman puts it, “Same opportunities. Different lives.”

He says “Lucky people create, notice and act upon the chance opportunities in their lives … Being in the right place at the right time is actually all about being in the right state of mind.” Wiseman believes that putting yourself out there – even in the most minor way – can exponentially increase the connections (and potential chance opportunities) available to you. If you meet even one new person, he notes – as the average person typically knows around 300 people by name – that you’re “only two handshakes away from 300 times 300 people, so that’s 90,000 new possibilities for a new opportunity, just by saying hello”. Those are some fabulous stats. Just one ‘hello’ could utterly change your life …

This week expect good things in your life and act accordingly. If you get a hunch, don’t ignore it – act on it. Smile at someone you don’t know. Engage a stranger in conversation. Anticipate a pleasant surprise and keep your eyes open for it. This could be your lucky day.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.

Creative Obstacles

If you feel like you’ve signed up for the hurdle race in life right about now, what if you realised that actually could be the case? The very talented intuitive astrologer, Robert Ohotto, is currently doing promos for his book, Transforming Fate Into Destiny, including posting interviews on YouTube that shed a little light on all sorts of subjects, including creative obstacles and how to discern them from what he calls fated redirections.

Basically, when you run up against problem after problem, how do you know if that’s just par for the course in the grand scheme of things or if each block is a sign trying to redirect you to a path that’s better for you? Thankfully, we now have the Ohotto take on that question, which makes rather good sense. He speaks from a soul perspective, assuming that we sign up for certain fated experiences in our lives to develop the character traits to bring forth our destinies. As he puts it, some people start off in life, hit hurdle after hurdle and begin to give up, thinking they’re on the wrong path, but those hurdles could be exactly what’s required for them. Ohotto imagines that from a higher perspective “God says ‘ You signed up for the hurdle race – what do you think is going to happen? There’s hurdles on the race!’ Hurdles like that are about ‘you’re on the right path’ – it’s part of the race and the journey of life – but you’re going to have to develop the stamina and agility you need to get over that hurdle and keep going.”

He adds, “Creative obstacles aren’t there to stop you, but are there to say you’ve got to buoy up your soul and really work hard to get different character traits ready for the next aspect of your purpose. Fated redirections, however, come up when people are maybe on a path that isn’t intrinsically authentic to them, but believe it is because of a cultural spell or a wound in themselves”.

This is explains one of life’s greater questions – why do so many people go on American Idol if they can’t sing? For Ohotto, the answer is clear – they are acting from an inner wound that perhaps feels like they’ve never been seen, so they chase a larger audience, or they fall under a cultural spell which convinces them that fame is the only answer to the validation they seek.

That rather reminds me of the gloriously vacuous character Suzanne, played by Nicole Kidman in Gus Van Sant’s wonderfully dark film, ‘To Die For’. One of her teenage coterie of admirers remarks “Suzanne used to say that you’re not really anybody in America unless you’re on TV … cause what’s the point of doing anything worthwhile if there's nobody watching? So when people are watching, it makes you a better person. So if everybody was on TV all the time, everybody would be better people. But, if everybody was on TV all the time, there wouldn't be anybody left to watch, and that's where I get confused”. I hear you sister – with that set of values, who wouldn’t be a little mixed up?

In Ohotto’s terms, you get sent fated redirections – rather than life’s usual hurdle race – when you’re chasing a purpose that “really isn’t authentic to the design that you contracted to from the level of your soul”. If it’s a fated redirection, he says “You’ll know because if you get honest with yourself you don’t really have a passion for it – rather you’re going through the shadow, wounded part of yourself to try to get something to make your ego feel healed and better.” The way to discern between the two is whether or not you have a genuine passion for the path you’re on and the life you’re living.

He stresses that life is cyclical and “as we move through life, different creative forces awaken and different passions show up that maybe we never thought we had before. Passion to me is when you connect to something that energises you that gives you a sense of meaning and purpose that makes you want to get out of bed to do, and that somehow allows you to expand yourself and bring something unique about yourself forward.”

Ohotto concludes, “Destiny is born out of honouring the most unique aspects of who you are and serving others through them. Destiny is ultimately about the service we were born to fulfil to other people through the unique aspects of who we are and embodying those unique aspects of who we are in the most satisfying way … Destiny is exploring the mystery of who you are, exploring what you don’t know about yourself, it’s being open to the unseen forces within yourself and allowing them to come out and transform you and other people at the same time. Destiny is never really fully done – just because you’re on a path that seems keeps bringing you obstacles, doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path necessarily, what it requires you to do is discern what motivates you to do what you do … If you start to go within, that inner pilgrimage, and do the work of sourcing some uniqueness out of yourself into the world that’s when the universe rises to meet you, synchronicities happen right left and centre and the dream becomes much bigger than you thought it would”. Amen to that.

So, this week, take a good look at the hurdles cropping up in your life. Do they feel like road-blocks trying to divert your path or creative obstacles bringing you an opportunity to develop new or stronger character traits? Are you behaving like a classic American Idol contestant in some part of your life, trying to pursue something you have no real talent for? Or are you giving up too soon on something you feel really passionate about? Would you be on the path you’re on if there were no discernible reward in the outside world, ie would you do it without the money or applause? If the answer’s no, what are you genuinely passionate about? These are not times to resign yourself to taking the money – if you want all the synchronicity and help the universe can give, you’d better be engaged in something you really love. Passion is the word this week. Use it wisely.

If you want to see Robert Ohotto talk this concept through, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX7Ty1-ymw4.

Click through to the Coach Fabulous advice column archive by going to http://coachfabulous.blogspot.com/. For alert emails on new postings, email subscribe@iamfabulous.co.uk. The I Am Fabulous archives can now be found at http://fabcentral.blogspot.com/. All material ©2009 Alison Porter. No article may be reproduced in full or in part without the express permission of the author.